Ups & Downs...

I used a .png file instead of a .jpeg file... Can you see the difference? This is Tempesta the 36 by 48 by 2-1/4 inch oil painting (©2011)which is lightening up as it dries more solidly... trying to get a good photo of the gold & silver is interesting... 

   A couple of weeks ago I was on top of the world... I was weaving Trumpet swan nests, in the hopes of hitting on a design that could be distributed along Lake Ontario shores & beyond to keep our Trumpet Swans bums warm in winter... They were sitting on the ice & I felt strongly that they needed help & that an artificial nest, would make them feel loved... (Oh, I've been calling them "Trumpet Swans" instead of Trumpeter swans, because, well, I'm not sure the "er" part is really essential...)
  Anyways, I had built about 6 nests, improving the design each time, when I started butting heads with the approval process... Toronto Region Conservation Authority said that a wildlife professional would have to monitor the nest daily to ensure Canada Geese or other waterbirds were not using the nest... Harassing them if found on the nest was suggested... This was a problem for me, as I happen to know that Federal law prohibits harassing of Canada Geese, & I found it unusual that a gov't body was suggesting it... Last year this gov't body was responsible for killing over 8 thousand Canada goose eggs... They call it oiling the eggs- which suffocates the growing chick inside.. By the way, tampering with Canada Goose eggs is also highly illegal- weird that a gov't body is so keen to break Federal laws...
  Canadian wildlife services forwarded me some sarcastic emails from people they had asked about my idea- about how was I the one looking for money- they had found a grant proposal online that hundreds of people had voted for & supported- but this valiant effort had been boiled down to that I was looking for money... In fact, the money was not my goal in putting the proposal online... What I was looking for was public support of the idea- just to see how people locally felt about artificial nests for Trumpet swans, & also, to help get ideas on how to refine the design to make it workable should others want to build & deploy the nests themselves on their own properties...
  In fact, through all the voting & energy, I made my artificial Trumpet swan nest ten times more amazing than it was before the voting began & the comments started pouring in...
  I also started work on making a giant Trumpet Swan decoy that could attract Trumpet swans to a nesting area & detract predators & other waterbirds... (This was my gentle way of trying to fulfill the gov't requirements that only Trumpet swans get to use the nest)...
  My Trumpet Swan Decoy turned into a full blown sculpture project, & it was beautiful! I was thrilled...
  But the permission process continued to weigh me down... The responses I was getting from our wildlife agencies were rude & depressing & weird...
  & then my up went down...
  The collective depression of the gov't bodies I was talking to wore me down... I got depressed & put my noble idea aside...
  Nothing could possibly work it was too complicated or too expensive or people would tamper with the artificial nests or steal the decoy or just something wasn't right & it won't work & why bother & so on...
  Now I am a total optimist, but this was too much for me...
  I have been in a rut now for a week maybe...
  I have been reading other artist's blogs & all I can see is how desperate they seem, how obsessed with money they aren't getting & how selfish their words seem to be...
  I see pictures of artist's studios & I think to myself how unhealthy that environment is- all those paint tubes lying about... What a grotty existence, so unlike being outside amongst dandelions or sunflowers or pretty women with umbrellas...
  The artists online seem only to talk about how to market better, how to make mechanical photo prints of their work to make more money, how to make money, money, money... Ugh, it is all so boring...Then, when one makes money, everyone runs to copy that method, that formula... Works that are selling are all photo-realistic, slavishly painted to emulate our idol, the digital camera... The faster they were painted the better, apparently... because that means you could maybe spend less time for more money, right?
  Ugh...
  I am depressed...
  Could be the cold weather, or the lack of sunlight, or the extra weight I am carrying because of all the food I had to eat to feed my depression...
  So now I am drinking bowlfuls of caffeinated tea to pick up my energy & speed up my metabolism... I think my teeth are brown or orange or yellow, maybe saffron?
  Why am I depressed?
  because why... because why, well... because I am a really beautiful person... I mean inside... I am one of those fragile gentle souls who believes in things, who believes that I can change the world... Who believes that I can make things better for people for swans for dogs for flowers...
  Who believed that I could do something nice & that our government would understand that, get that, that they would allow me to pay for, to build, to weave, to create, something nice for our little town here, & that they would let me do that & thank me after...
  But they took it the wrong way... My grant request was a promotion put forward by Pepsi online... But they saw it as I was asking Them for money... I wasn't... I can pay for the nests myself... But having people vote for something is an important process to determine validity of the idea... Just because I could pay for something doesn't mean that I shouldn't check with my community... Maybe inspire others...
  The wildlife people seemed to be more haters of wildlife than lovers... Kind of like when you talk to cat people & all they can foam about is spaying & neutering... Somehow it all got twisted... I'm sorry but spaying & neutering just isn't so great if you are the cat... Yes I know all the arguments... But really, I prefer to keep my ovaries- shouldn't cats have that option too someday???
  But I digress from my depression...
  I think I hate government... Maybe I always have, but now more palpably... It seems that anything I want to do is stymied by government...
  You know what bugs me almost the most, is those signs that say Do not feed the birds... I mean, who has the right to tell anyone that I cannot feed the birds...? Who? What amount of wild bird food could they have bought with all the money they spent on signs & installing them?
  Aw... I'm just a hippy... It being 2011, I seem out of place I guess... Hippies always clash with government... But how exactly do those hot looking muscular soldiers in uniforms become those mean rude boring people I deal with in government agencies?
  How does a wildlife professional become someone who talks about the over population of Mute Swans? (Mute Swans are just unbelievably beautiful swans, but don't mention them to a Trumpet swan person- same foaming at the mouth- they are evil swans, intent on destruction of Trumpet swan territory or something... supposedly...ugh... Mute swans are not from North America & thus evil...)
  I got a comment on my blog a while ago that my nest design was flawed & because of that maybe I was crazy... Ad hominem remarks anybody? While I welcome nest design advice, calling me crazy because of a design flaw doesn't help me much... & thanks to how that comment made me feel- I threw the whole nest out... Which is too bad, because kind of like lukewarm soup, it was still food,  could have made a swan happy- design flaw & all...
  I am maybe going to weave another nest soon... They take me about 10 hours of time... I am going to remove the loops at the edge that the commenter had a problem with, & make the weave tighter...
  I am going to finish the Trumpet swan sculpture when I can get some more sculpting material... The material is outdoor weatherproof & needs to be ordered & is heavy to ship... Plus I am going to wait till the weather gets warmer so the package doesn't freeze in the UPS truck overnight like last time...
  I am feeling a little better for writing this... The talking cure...
  Truth is, I am going to take this entire year off... An entire year of not being an artist might bring me back some perspective... I mean, the market is soft anyway- like melted ice cream at a retirement home soft- so why bother spinning my wheels anyway? Why plan a show to sell just enough to cover costs?
  To plan a show just so I can watch guests hoarding the free wine or food like they were starving refugees? To plan a show just so I can palpably feel the discrepancy between the prices asked & the fact that the guests show up in jeans & complain about paying for parking... I need a break...
  I am depressed, but maybe chronically...which is not good for an optimist...